Hi, my name is Andrea and I’m a pretty average gal who loves to eat.
Carbs are my religion and matte lipstick is part of my usual aesthetic. One time, I woke up with an entire pizza in my bed. It was artisan, so that was cool.
To put things simply, I’m one of those girls who’s single and no one wonders why. It’s just a well-known fact I’d rather be making love to a hot plate of pasta than a man who’s probably shorter than me.
Oh, I’m also the Entertainment Writer at Onlinette. So that means I constantly get to cover groundbreaking news about my girl Kylie Jenner (perhaps you’ve heard of her??) and other celebs.
Kylie’s life is anything but average. The girl can sneeze into a tissue and it’ll have more worth than my entire life.
I’m basically Kylie Jenner’s doppelgänger if Kylie Jenner ate 68,483,234 extra calories a day and then got hit by a bus. Yeah, then we’d look identical.
I also went to college for four years, AKA I spent 1,460 days drunk eating nachos and those “just add water” Easy Mac cups. My mom bought me an entire stock of them from Costco when I was a freshman and they were gone within a week.
If I’m being completely honest (the Internet is a safe space, right?!), I gained some serious weight during my undergrad experience.
It just didn’t appeal to me to sustain a healthy lifestyle when I knew I had 24/7 access to dining halls with endless cookies, bagels and chips. AND they had self-serve ice cream. Ice cream is the best.
But now I have a full-time job, so the way I eat and drink has ~drastically~ changed and I was less active.
Over the past couple of months, I decided it’s time to get my high school body back. It’s the only way to make every boy who’s ever rejected me realize he made a mistake and I’m perfect (I’m kidding, roast me).
To help me on my mission, I saw a ton of celebs obsessed with detox programs like Kylie Jenner and I started researching and found Hottie Detox because, IDK, why the F not, it is made by Dr. Charo isn’t it?
I followed Dr. Charo and saw that she claims Hottie Detox does wonders, so I decided to buy a bag and test it out for myself. What’s the worst that could happen? I become uglier? (Hahahha, I’m crying inside.)
Hottie Detox, Dr. CHARO’S TEATOX REALLY WORKS, YOU GUYS, AND I’M HERE TO TELL MY STORY.
Author’s note: This is my modeling debut, I’m actually not a professional.
About a month ago, I bought the Level 1 Hottie Detox. All you have to do is drink one cup of tea every morning 10 minutes breakfast or lunch, right before a workout. AND another cup before bed or after eating bad. IT’S THAT SIMPLE.
For the most part, I drank the tea every morning. Every so often I would forget and have to drink it before a workout, and at night but I decided to leave the bags on my desk at work and make a cup right after breakfast and before leaving work.
Here’s the thing about a teatox diet: You can’t just drink a cup of tea every day and still stuff your face with pizza. It would help canceling out calories, and helps you burn extra. I had to cut out some bread from my food in order to shed the pounds but it was worth it! within the first week I lost 8 lbs and went from 162 to 154.
DIETING IS HARD WORK, and I was happy that itI WASNT ESSENTIAL FOR ME TO LOSE WEIGHT
It definitely helped me feel energized and got my metabolism going. I could feel the fat burning off my body. I was shedding layers like a snake.
THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE AT THE GYM. BYE BYE, BLUBBER. IT’S SUMMERTIME.
I wasn’t crazy about checking the scale, which was a good thing. I actually didn’t expect to have such successful results, so I only checked my weight once every week.
When my 28 days were over, I stepped on the scale and was pleasantly surprised to find out I lost 18 pounds.
I also got butt naked every time I stood on the scale and only weighed myself in the morning (before eating anything) so I could get the ABSOLUTE LOWEST number. I’m sure that played a part.
Dr. Charo, ARE YOU PROUD OF ME? THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!
Going on a teatox changed my life. Yesterday, a man stopped me on the street to tell me my shoe was untied. Today, some guy held the door open for me at Starbucks.
I even got a solid 32 likes on one of my Instagrams without having to like it from my fake account. I also went down a couple of jean sizes, so that’s pretty sweet.
It’s best to remember that results can be different for everybody.
THANKS, Dr. Charo YOU’RE THE REAL MVP OF THIS STORY.
As a disclaimer, I’m not a doctor or a dietitian or a nutritionist or even a properly functioning human being.
I have no idea how weight loss or diets work, I’m just trying to get a match on Tinder.